Happy monday! If you are intolerant of long race e-mails, read no further. I thought some of you would like to know just what happened to Evo's Time Trial Team this Saturday. The team, comprised of Mike "Hammer" Butler, Mike "BuBu" Bradbury, Andy "I think I just blew a Big Mac" MacDonald, and me, showed up to sunny Cambridge, Md. to a stiff 15-20 ish mph, but steady, breeze. After waiting for what seemed an hour for Hammer to put enough vaseline on his body to get into his skinsuit, we rode the 5 miles (yes, 5 miles) from registration to the TT start line. We did this in formation. We were smooth. We were fast. We looked good. This was only warm-up. We were the first team to start, so we had added incentive to go fast. We didn't want to get caught. BuBu was going to take the first pull, with Hammer 2nd, Big Mac 3d and me in the rear with the duty to start the rotation going by calling "Set" when everyone got in line and comfortable. Once we got together and rolling, I looked down at the old computer, and to my utter surprise and alarm, I saw 34mph. Wind-aided, but a very frightening prospect with some 39k remaining. We were positively flying for the first 5 k or so, when a little gap opened up between Hammer and BigMac. A little gap at that speed is bad. Very very bad. On the next turn, I came in front of BigMac to close the gap and soon after Big Mac yelled "Off!" It turns out he was having trouble shifting into high gears and was having to turn his poor legs at cartoonish speeds to keep up. Understandably, its difficult to hit 30ish in a 53-21. We were then only 3. The Team continued to go very very fast on the downwind leg and at about 10K, we turned into a cross wind. We slowed a bit, but everything was going well. After 10k, we had averaged just shy of 29mph. I couldn't believe it. However, I started to see some dismaying numbers on the HR monitor. This got worse at about 12k when we turned directly into the wind. After about 5k into the wind, with Hammer and BuBu still smooth and, unfortunately for me, as fast as ever, I was unable to get back into the slipstream after an excrutiating pull and had to face the ignominy of calling "Off!" Now, you must have 3 finishers in this TTT, so the Brits waited for my overcooked carcass. BuBu advised me, somewhat superfluously, to sit in and skip my turns until I had recovered. Let me tell you - watching BuBu and Hammer pull those 3 or 4 skipped turns was a thing of beauty. Or at least I should say it probably was a thing of beauty - I wouldn't know, all I was looking at was the wheel directly in front of mine trying to hang on with all of my remaining force. Those guys are fast. Anywho, I finally recovered a bit and took some turns, skipping one or two over the next 5k (and almost knocking BuBu off his bike by overlapping wheels. I'm a menace!!!) Finally, we turn right for the last 10K. This leg has a crosswind but very slightly from the front. Over the first 30k, we had turned a click above 26mph. The last leg looked to be much faster than the 2nd 10k. No one had caught us yet. BuBu was super-strong, Hammer was a freaking beast, taking longer and longer turns on the front without showing any signs of weakness, and I was recovering (as far as you know). Then... Pssssssfffttssffftttttt..... Yup. Flat. Hammer's back tubular had sprung a low pressure zone. Nothing he could do. Nothing we could do. So, we decided to just roll back at walking pace for the MABRA points and the honor of not riding back in the broom wagon. BuBu suggested I check my watch to see how long it took for the other teams to catch up to us to give us a rough approximation of how were were doing (they sent us off at 2 minute intervals). Well, it turns out we had been doing pretty darn well, thank you very much. We'd put 1'15" into the team that started 2mins behind us, 15" in the next team, and were about even with the 3rd team (the eventual winners, I believe). After about 7-8minutes of trundling along at about 8mph, BuBu looks back and says, "Hey, there's a lone rider coming up. Wouldn't that be funny if it was Mac?" I say, "Naw, he dropped so early, I can't believe he wouldn't have just turned around." Apparently, I don't know Big Mac very well. Here comes Big Mac, salt encrusted, eyes glazed over, and still going quite fast, thank you very much. He had TT'ed all by himself into that nasty headwind and caught back up after our flat. Immediately, Hammer says "Pick him up and finish!" So we do. Andy is clearly cooked - understandable after chasing a 3 man team (alright, 2.5). BuBu and I take long turns with a couple thrown in by Andy (who found strength from a place I know I don't have.) It takes us about 1k to get rolling for real, but once this happens, we, um, start rolling for real. We covered the last 10k in a very very short interval. I'm not exactly sure how long it took b/c I didn't look at my watch right when we saw the 10k sign. However, Mac caught us up at around 49 minutes. We finished at 1'02'39"ish. So, something like 13 or 14 minutes. All I can tell you is that last 1k was the most painful moment of my racing life. We finished. Last. Subtract some 6 (conservative) minutes due to flatting and you get something in the 56' range, which would have put us 3rd or so. I think we could have been faster than that, too. So, what did I learn? 1. Your TT pace is directly proportional to the percentage of British genes you have (I'm Irish, so mine don't count and they dilute my German genes). 2. Big Mac is the King of Pain. 2a. Hammer is a Hammer. 2b. BuBu goes really fast on a diet of Fish 'n' Chips and Guiness 2c. Its nice to be with 2a and 2b when you are suffering. 3. If you ride a TT and are me or are with me, you will get a flat. 4. TTT's require team training 5. TTT's are "fun" in the way having a boil lanced is "fun." 6. In spite of this, I wish there was a series of Team Time Trials and 7. I only want to ride them if my teamates include BuBu, Hammer, and Big Mac.